“The black dog” @ricsur https://medium.com/@ricsur/the-black-dog-22a68532a2b9
In reading Emma Tripplet’s new book Stepping out of the clouds, and posts on a Facebook group, I realise I was not depressed but my anxieties were definitely leading towards it.
My clear anxieties
- Road rage (nothing serious just swearing at other drivers behaviour)
- Suspicion over something my dad said to me the last time I saw him
- Expecting the worst.(my partner to leave, losing my job, etc)
There are many more, but between Emma and the chimp paradox I’ve worked on strategies to calm the rising anxiety.
- Road rage: I now find myself not thinking what could have happened, but dismissing the drivers behaviour,
- The suspicion: I have had to accept I’ll never know what my dad was gonna say
- Expecting the worst: I’ve been with Louise 7 years, so the likelihood is minimal, but the same as the job if it happens I’ll deal with it.
I have mentioned by genius mentor and all round Yoda, Emma Tripplet several times thru the pages of this blog.
Well she’s written a book “stepping out of the clouds” it is simple but effective. and her guidance has seen me beat anxiety and avoid depression. I do say avoid deliberately as having read some accounts on Facebook I don’t think I was ever actually depressed, but I was on route.
So if you, like I did, want to avoid depression download her book, or are reading this thinking things will never change read Emma’s book
Those jobs that are embedded in your computer, you know, without a doubt you’ve got to do, I’m my case this evening even though I’m full of a cold, Stella still needs her walk.
But then I guess that’s when you really should do it, when you don’t want too, eh Emma.
It’s hard to motivate yourself when your just ill so I daren’t imagine what’s it’s like if your truly depressed, which I want to be clear, I think I was approaching depression but I don’t think I was ever truly depressed.
Music makes a difference, depending on my mood, doing this Ken Bruce’s years of my life stylie
- Pink Floyd, Comfortably numb. I’ve no real idea why I love this song, it’s such a mood song though,
- Queen, Who wants to live forever from the kind of magic album and the soundtrack to Highlander I feel this was Queens best work, Freddie knew he was dying, I think, when he wrote this, and was saying hay I’ve had a good life, I’ve enjoyed myself.
- Coldplay Fix you, as I detailed in a previous post I remember when I first heard this, only a day after I spluttering with my ex wife, I hear this song and immediately taken back to my brothers house.
- Bon Jovi Lay you down a bed of roses sums how Louise makes me feel.
- Madness house of fun remember that first time trip to the chemistry for those
- Mike and the mechanics living years. Now I hear this, it makes me cry, it sums up how I feel about my dad, and ultimately losing him
- Hollies He ain’t heavy, first time I heard this was on Rambo3 soundtrack, and was in actual fact, based on reality. But makes me question how far would I go for those who matter to me.
I could go on and on, but all the tunes I’d pick are “real” not born of the throw away pop that likes of the x factor generate.
Tunes that were written and performed by artists who’s fans paid their wages.
As I’ve said, when I realised I was free falling into depression, I was advised to get in touch with my old positive self, and one of the most positive things I did was running, aged 11 I ran the opening Fun Run of 6.5 miles where I grew up. I also years later dud the first Empire run 3.5 miles to raise funds for our local cinema. Joining the Raf when I was 17 I had to run, 1.5 miles in 11 minutes. And now I run because the buzz when I finish charges me up for the day ahead.
I must stress Again, I’m no expert but it appears that when I run, I burn off the excess adrenaline in my system, allowing the serotonin to boss my system.
There was a time when I would have read a post like this and thought “yeah Bull…t” but I changed my thinking and I’ve changed my life.
I CAN I CAN I CAN you just watch me!!!!!!!!!!
I must say im no expert, im just imparting my experiences and my route out.
Looking back to my own slippery slope, which I feel I was able to put the brakes onto with help, the most toxic question I kept coming back to
- Louise leaves me
- I lose my job
- Mum dies
- I never see my brother again
I could go on for infinity to the title what if the world ends today
OK some of these questions are based in reality, mum will die but I can enjoy the time I have and worry about that when it happens.
I do see my brother, and shock, I’ve made my peace with my sister in law.
Louise and I are strong but shit happens and that doubt came from my ex just dropping a bombshell, whilst I was trying to be a father to my then 3yr old daughter. But if it does happen I’ll get over it in time, but I’m not gonna let it spoil the here and now.