Re visit or move on

Clarence is getting more and more aggitated lately, so im rereading chimp paradox again, i remember a lot now, but im wondering whether theres any other literature of a similar line.

Thing is now i know a lot of the book script, but when i close the book a lot of the processes dont stay in my head. I want this to work, and be able too handle things better

I have put a lot of things in boxes and locked them, and even burnt some. But its everyday life i need to process better, ive learnt how to deal with immediate stress better, and it works.

However some things wont go away, as I detailed in “how do you negotiate with a cobra? ” people dont respect my realm; (to quote the book) and they dont understand the effect it has on my relationship with my daughter. But then want to lecture me. Ive tried talking to the person in question and had the promises time after time and every time promises are broken.

Louise, my fiancee and hopefully future wife, helps and is wise, wiser than me certainly, i love her to bits, and accept every little foible, as she has definitely made me a better person, but there are things im not happy with myself about, my dear oold Dad, had an ability to say exactly what he thought, but then had my back, i miss the days on the riverbank, fishing where we would talk endlessly and he would say what he thought but i don’t believe he ever judged me. I would love this ability but im always aware  of ramifications to my actions.

Welll no one’s perfect, thats true, and at 43 i still feel i have a lot of growing, psychologically speaking, to do

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3 thoughts on “Re visit or move on

  1. Hi Richard, it’s been a few weeks! I’ve been travelling a lot, so been out of contact, my colleague has been looking after my twitter.

    I’ve seen your last few posts and I may be wrong, but it comes across that your frustrations are mostly about other people and how they are behaving – would that be fair to say?

    Keep in mind several things:-

    1. Although their behaviour may not make any sense to you and it is not how you would behave, you cannot control other people, how they think or what they do – so allowing them to affect how you feel is giving them control of your feelings, control of you. Your ‘cobra’ for example, do you really intend to give her control over you and your feelings? But by reacting and allowing her to affect you, that is what you are effectively doing.

    2. Other people are not perfect, they think in a completely different way to you, allow them to be imperfect – forgive them for being they way they are and accept it. Judging them is going to cause YOU the anxiety and stress. Let it go.

    3. How do you negotiate with a cobra? You don’t. You can’t, so trying will cause YOU the anxiety and stress. You stay calm and polite and maybe react in the opposite way that the cobra would expect you to and it will put them off guard, they won’t be able to react in their normal way, they will have to change their behaviour if you change yours. The automatic reaction when challenged is to defend, on both sides, whoever is doing the challenging, the other will become defensive and often aggressive defensive – you have the awareness and therefore can take control of the situation and NOT react, DON’T defend – if you’ve done nothing to be defensive about, then why be defensive? Let them have their say without reacting and then just politely and calmly thank them for their opinion which you respect, it isn’t your opinion but you understand they are different, then say goodbye without offering a counter opinion. The other person cannot argue if you give them nothing to argue about.

    4. Focus on making yourself happy with your lovely fiance. Let go of the focus on other people and look after yourself. Eat well, exercise and make yourself feel well, strong and fit and the rest will fall into place. If you are at your best, you can cope easily with other difficult people in your life and your amazing intellect will work out what to do. Give it time, don’t be reactionary. Focus on yourself, doing the things you enjoy, going out for walks, have a picnic in the sunshine with your lovely lady. Do positive things to burn off the frustration and adrenaline, don’t direct it at people who are unhealthy for you.

    You have been doing brilliantly, things come along in life to try us, they always will, but you can learn to cope better and better with things and people. Work on your own self esteem and confidence and you will just start to let these other things go without realising your doing it better, it will happen.

    The most important thing is to focus on positive things for your life, not other people and their lives. Allow them to be imperfect and accept that they are – you cannot change them, so stop trying as it only causes you stress.

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  2. Thank You emma you are as always wise council, and you have reinforced what my fiance said, what worries me with my Cobra, is the effect it has on my daughter. Which is where my anxiety lays. I feel if I do nothing my daughter learns promises don’t matter, but if I do react, as you say it’s Clarence needs exercising and boxing, but I can find no truths to box him with, and no bananas to feed him with?

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